Dependence

With Haden recently turning seven I have noticed that he is becoming less and less dependent on me. I have to admit this is rather bittersweet. While I am proud that he can do things for himself now, it is a little sad to see him so independent. He begs to spend time with friends and sees playing with mom as only a last resort. However, I still get glimpses of times that he needs me or wants to be with me, and those are the sweetest times. Yesterday Haden was walking with me during my cool down laps. He just walked along beside me and chatted away about various important things in his world, such as which Avenger is truly the greatest. As we walked along every now and then he would reach up and take my hand. He would hold it for just a few seconds, and then realize what he was doing and that someone could see him not being "cool", and he would let go. It was in those times when he grabbed my hand that my heart soared. It filled my heart to have Haden be so real with me. He was just chatting with me and holding my hand. He wasn't asking me for anything or holding my hand out of obligation. This mother's heart was touched.
It made me wonder how God, our father, must feel when we stop long enough to grab His hand and chat with Him. Not asking Him for anything or leaning on Him because there is no other option left, but truly just having a real relationship with Him. How many times are we so independent and afraid that others may look down upon us for depending on God. This has inspired me to be ever mindful of reaching up and grabbing God's hand throughout my day and just chat with Him. I would say that I will grab it and never let go, but I know I am human and will let go. My prayer is that I take time everyday to spend real time with God... just holding hands and chatting.

Psalms 65:5-8a
"I depend on God alone; I put my hope in Him. He alone protects and saves me; He is my defender, and I shall never be defeated. My salvation and honor depend on God; He is my strong protector; He is my shelter."

Following

Hello good friends. I know it has been a long time, and I could give several excuses as to why I haven't blogged lately, but none of them are good enough. So here I am starting again because a word from God just hit me in the face so strongly I have no excuse but to share.

A couple of weeks ago our pastor encouraged us to fast and pray about the future. He mentioned several ways to fast. He spoke of giving up food, but also giving up anything that takes up our time. I decided one of the things I was going to give up while I focused on praying in this 21 days was social networking. I wouldn't say that I am totally obsessed with it, but it is something that I definitely look at several times a day. What is funny is how I can justify some things. I decided to give up Facebook, but justified that looking at Pinterest was no big deal. If truth be told I was just trading one for the other and not really taking the time to pray.

This morning I was reading Not a Fan: Becoming a Completely Committed Follower of Jesus Christ. This is an amazing book that has really opened my eyes to my walk with Jesus. The chapter I read today was about how true followers of Jesus actively pursue him daily.

Luke 9:23
"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow him."

I finished this chapter feeling very good about starting to purse God more in my life. Haden was still sleeping so I still had some me time, so I decided to cruise through Pinterest and see what was new. I opened up the app and the first thing that struck me was the word FOLLOWING at the very top of the page. Wow, I have seen this a million times, but today it really spoke to me. FOLLOWING... who am I following? Who and what do I actively pursue? Where do I spend my time?
Goal for 2013: I want to be a follower of Christ and just a fan.

Crayons

The other day as I was leaving work and headed to get little man I began thinking about how great that day had been. I had gotten up early to do my Bible study and prayer, and I had helped a lot of people at work. Yes, thank you God for a great day. You are a strong and mighty God and I give you all honor glory and praise for this day. I got to school and asked Haden if he had found his lost jacket, his answer was no. I started to get a little annoyed at his "I really don't care about my lost coat mom" attitude. We proceeded to his classroom to continue our (my) quest to find the missing jacket. We did not find it, but I did notice that his school box was open on his desk and only 3 crayons lay inside. I asked Haden where the crayons I bought him at the beginning of the week were. Well, just like the jacket, he had no answer, and really did not seem to be as bothered as I was. We drove home and as I thought and thought and thought about the whole jacket/crayon thing I just became more and more irriated. I started dinner and Haden was playing happily at the kitchen table. I began to think, "Wow, and I was having such a good day." It was as this thought crossed my mind that I heard God speak to me. "You just thanked me for a wonderful day, and now you are letting a missing jacket and a few lost crayons ruin it all?"
Wow...I thought of something that I heard recently on a radio station, and was recently reminded by a colleague.
"Our level of spiritual maturity can be measured by what it takes to steal our joy."
I was letting something so small and insignificant steal my joy, and the joy of The Lord is my strength! The devil was having a party thinking that he had ruined my whole day with something so trivial. Thank you Jesus for speaking to me. I pray that my spirit matures every day so that I will not be easily shaken.

Philippians 4:9
"Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put into practice."

Kitty Litter

When I taught writing I always told my students to have a great title or opening sentence so they could grab the reader's attention. So? Do I have yours? I will talk more about kitty litter later.

Lately, I have noticed that I seem to pray for the really big things in my life. Or I lift up things for others that are really major in their life. This is all great. I am actually really good at turning these things over to God. Problem is those pesky little things. Sometimes I feel as if I am bothering God with some of the things that bother me. But God tells us "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” So if something is causing me to be anxious then I should pray about it and turn it over to God.

Ok. Enter, kitty litter. Cats. Never in my life did I think I would own one, not to mention two! After a year of Haden wanting a pet, and us not ready for a dog, and he not happy with the hermit crabs we tried to fulfill his need, we decided to let him have a kitten. New Year's Eve off we go to the animal shelter. We were placed in the cat room, and Adam and Haden immediately began holding cats. I on the other hand was inspecting their clothes to see which cat shed the most, because that was not going to be my pick. After a while, Haden picked a small black kitten. I have to admit that she did have the cutest little face. I turned around to tell Adam that Haden had chosen and we were ready to go. It was then that I saw Adam holding a much larger older cat. I cannot even begin to describe the look in this man's eyes. It was a kind of a pout and "oh please mommy" look that was a little disturbing. Two cats? Really? The animal shelter lady said, "Oh yes, you need two so they can play together."Look lady you run a shelter you are going to tell me to take six!

Ok, so we have had the cats a few months shy of a year now. They have been ok. Actually better than I thought. However, I just cannot get used to the litter box! We have moved it to the upstairs bathroom and still I think I can smell it everywhere. Recently I bought a new "all natural" kitty litter. This stuff is made from walnuts shells, does not stink, and you can flush it! I cannot tell you how excited this made me. Looking back now it is kind of sad just how excited I was about yes, kitty litter. Then it happened.... about a week after the new litter, Shadow,the youngest, decided that this new stuff was not for her and she would just go on the floor. Over and over and over. I was so upset. Adam said that we were just going to have to switch back to the old litter. What? This can't be happening! I can't go back. I was very anxious. So my first instinct was to pray, but then I thought, wait I can't pray about kitty litter. This is silly. But the more I thought about it the more anxious and worried I became. So I prayed, "Dear Lord, this may be silly, but I pray that Shadow will start using the litter box again. I pray that we are able to get through this very small detail of our life. Please help me not to be anxious about this." I felt sure that God was having a good laugh at me, and maybe he did, but ya know what else? Shadow started using the litter box again.

I truly believe God wants us to turn big and small things over to Him daily. He is God, and in control of all things. Yes, even kitty litter.

Tone

No, this post is not about "toning" up with my exercise. It is actually about tone in our everyday voice. I have noticed lately that how I react to someone, whether it be negative or positive all goes back to their intial tone.

There is a lady at school who speaks in a yell the majority of the time. We have a good relatinship, and I tell her often to stop yelling at me. She insists that she is not yelling she is just being passionate. Also, and I know I have mentioned this before, but the high school students I deal with everyday have no idea that my response to them is a direct result of their tone. For example, it just bugs me to death when a student says, "The computer won't let me log on." (Second post about this. Can you tell it bugs me?) When a student says this it just gets on my last nerve. On the contrary when a student asks "Can you help me log on? I am having some trouble", I am quick to jump up and assist them.

This all makes me think about my tone with others. No matter what the situation am I striving to be Christlike even with my tone? Those people I have a hard time dealing with, is it because of my tone. I do not like it when people say, "Oh that's just the way they are. They don't mean anything by it." If we are made in His image and are to be like Him, then no, that is not the way that they should be.

After realizing this this week. I am going to try my best to get my tone in check. Try to show the love of Christ to others. Even those pesky little high schoolers. :)

1 John 2:6
"Whoever says he adibes in Him ought to walk in the same way He walked."

Positive

Last week as I was walking into Walmart, I stuck my keys into my purse and found my purse was full of a slimy substance. I quickly discovered that a new bottle of hand sanitizer I had bought had opened into my purse and spilled half of its contents. It was on everything! So gross! I grabbed the couple of things that I needed and headed back to school. I very disgustedly told my friend what had happened. She just laughed, shrugged and said, "It could have been worse. Look at it this way, it smells good, and your purse is very clean now."

Looking to the positive. I have to say that this is definitely an area I can work on. I have a former colleague and close friend who we always called "Polly" (Are you reading, Polly?) No matter what was thrown our way at school she seemed to take it in stride, and look on the bright side of things.

Since God has blessed me with a job that I can have a do-over every 9 months, I have tried my best to start out this year being positive. Ok, I have failed miserably a couple of days already, but I am aware and trying to correct myself. What if I griped about my job all the time, and God said, "Ok, you are not enjoying the job I blessed you with so let's just take that burden away from you." Wow...

I love the verse in Philippians 4:8
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable. Think about these things that are excellent and worthy of praise."

I like to say not only to "think on these things" but speak of these things as well. I love the part that uses the word "admirable". How many times have you heard someone say, "Man, I really admire them. They are always so negative." Hmmmm...

God in your strength help me to see the bright side. Help me to use positive words throughout my day so I may thank you and praise you for what you have given to me. Amen.

Fire

I heard a sermon a while back that talked about going through trials in your life. The preacher said that you are either, coming out of a fire, in one, or going into one. That is pretty scary when you think about it. This made me think of firefighters. Right before we moved to NWA, Adam was a volunteer firefighter for about a year. He had to go through many weekends of training before, during, and after. He did not have his initial training and then just call it good. He continued to train even though he was not invovled in many fires. There were the occcasional trash fires that got a little out of control, or small grass fire, but he never had to "fight a big one". It wasn't until July 4 he was able to put all of his training to work. We were happily watching the fireworks of the fourth from a grocery store parking lot. They were going pretty well, but suddenly something went wrong and the entire hill which we were gazing upon was quickly becoming engulfed in flames. Adam quickly drove us home out of danger, put on his gear, and headed back to fight this quickly spreading fire. He was gone for several hours, but they finally managed with the help of several near by fire departments to contain the threat. All of Adam's training prepared him for this night.

Even when we are not in a fire we need to train for the day. Read the Bible to know what it says to do during a fire. Pray and ask God to strengthen us for the day of trials. Speak to others about how God has protected you through so many previous fires.

Acts 14:22
"Strenthening the disciples by encouraging them to continue in the faith and by telling them, "It is necessary to pass through many troubles on our way into the kingdom of God."


One more thing I have heard said before about going through fires that has really stuck with me throughout the years. In the book of Daniel the Bible talks about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego coming out of the fire and not even smelling like smoke. How many times does God bring us through a trial, but we still smell of smoke? We do not praise him, but we talk about how bad our fire was. Do not get me wrong, I do think we should share with people the fires of life we go through. In fact, I believe we go through things to be able to help others that are hurting. I am talking about when after a fire we still focus on the fire and not our God. I love it when I tell my first marriage story to someone and they say, "I had no idea! You seem so strong and together now." This gives me the perfect opportunity to share the love of God.

Matthew 5:16
"In the same way, let your light shine before men, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven."